Comments on: 9/11: New York is Divided http://www.deborahwoehr.com/blog/2006/03/13/911-new-york-is-divided/ Author, Designer, Problogger Thu, 20 Nov 2008 08:35:43 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3 By: deborah.woehr http://www.deborahwoehr.com/blog/2006/03/13/911-new-york-is-divided/#comment-1327 deborah.woehr Tue, 14 Mar 2006 00:39:36 +0000 http://www.deborahwoehr.com/blog/2006/03/13/911-new-york-is-divided/#comment-1327 That's right on the money, Pat. Although we can never erase the pain, we can use it to help others cope. That’s right on the money, Pat. Although we can never erase the pain, we can use it to help others cope.

]]> By: pat kirby http://www.deborahwoehr.com/blog/2006/03/13/911-new-york-is-divided/#comment-1322 pat kirby Mon, 13 Mar 2006 17:10:37 +0000 http://www.deborahwoehr.com/blog/2006/03/13/911-new-york-is-divided/#comment-1322 My views on "grieving" are controversial. Basically, I think America (and probably the western world) has embraced the culture of the victim, a sort of Oprah Winfrey ethos where every pain is nourished and cherished like a twisted child. It sucks to lose someone. Absolutely, rip-your-heart-out sucks. But life MUST go on. There was a time, before the modern conveniences of our day, when you had to go on, rather quickly. Otherwise, the wood wouldn't get chopped, the animals (your food source) wouldn't get fed and you and your family would starve. I've read numerous editorials written by people complaining how, after a time (months), all but a few friends drop away after a tragedy. There's always a note of condemnation, as though friends should mope with you for months and years on end. How utterly selfish. Sorry, but it is. The best way to honor a lost friend or loved one is live your life. Live it with honor and compassion for others. There's nothing wrong with a memorial, but the current tendency to wallow in our pain (and expect everyone else to follow) is a pathology, not a strength. My views on “grieving” are controversial.

Basically, I think America (and probably the western world) has embraced the culture of the victim, a sort of Oprah Winfrey ethos where every pain is nourished and cherished like a twisted child.

It sucks to lose someone. Absolutely, rip-your-heart-out sucks. But life MUST go on. There was a time, before the modern conveniences of our day, when you had to go on, rather quickly. Otherwise, the wood wouldn’t get chopped, the animals (your food source) wouldn’t get fed and you and your family would starve.

I’ve read numerous editorials written by people complaining how, after a time (months), all but a few friends drop away after a tragedy. There’s always a note of condemnation, as though friends should mope with you for months and years on end.

How utterly selfish. Sorry, but it is. The best way to honor a lost friend or loved one is live your life. Live it with honor and compassion for others.

There’s nothing wrong with a memorial, but the current tendency to wallow in our pain (and expect everyone else to follow) is a pathology, not a strength.

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