Deborah Woehr

The weekend before last, my husband made a comment about how hard it was to get into the Christmas spirit this year. He wasn’t alone. It seemed that everyone I talked to couldn’t wait for the holiday to be over with.

Our spirits didn’t lift until Christmas Eve. My husband took my youngest son to the 49′ners game, while I dragged my oldest over to my mother-in-law’s to help her prepare his family’s traditional dinner of German rouladen. That evening, my mother-in-law’s neighbor invited us into his home to look at his wife’s vintage doll house. My twin nephews managed to keep their hands to themselves the entire time, but one of them couldn’t stay out of the presents when we returned to my mother-in-law’s. It’s been a long time since my boys were four, so this brought back all kinds of memories for me.

My kids have known who “Santa” is for a long time, but that didn’t dampen the spirit for my youngest, who started poking around my tree on Saturday morning. He gets his intense curiosity from me. I found myself sneaking up to the gifts when no one was looking and wiggling the big box that had my name on it. My husband told me not to bother with speculation because I wasn’t going to guess.

I had a very good idea what he had gotten me, due to the debate we got into over Macs versus PC’s. I’ve had my sights on a G5 tower for the past year, but they were too expensive for my budget. Besides, my G4 was still doing its job, albeit slowly. I didn’t expect him to get me a G5. In fact, I fully expected to have to wait until I saved enough money. To my surprise, he got me an iMac with a 20″ screen.

While my youngest was building the Lego monstrosity my mother-in-law had given him, my oldest was waiting for me to transfer all of my files from the G4 to the iMac. He was fully introduced to Macs when he took a technical drawing class last year. Before the summer was out, he asked me if he could have my old computer if I were to get a new one. He’s also had his sights on my speaker and woofer system and was hoping that it wouldn’t work with the iMac. To his disappointment, it worked just fine.

Oldest boy: Can I have your G4?
Mom: It won’t work with any of your games and programs.
Oldest boy: Can I have the monitor?
Mom: Yes, if you can get it to hook up.
Oldest boy takes a look at the plug and realizes that it won’t. “Can I have the computer?”
Mom: You won’t be able to do much with it, but sure.

Once I helped him re-install the system software, he was off and running with the thing. This was his big present, a five year-old computer that I was praying would last me until next Christmas. I came home from work this afternoon to find him in his room with his friend, blasting Linkin’ Park from the stock speakers while my husband and youngest were cursing at their video games (and loving every minute of it). It was all good.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday.

My mind and fingers have been itching to start editing that manuscript since I typed “The End” on Sunday. Last night felt like a mild version of nicotine withdrawals. I know of at least two scenes that I need to revamp or get rid of entirely. It seems that I take a perverse pleasure in the editing process.

At any rate, I wasn’t expecting my manuscript to arrive from Lulu until after Christmas. But I guess they decided to expedite it. I decided to publish my draft in the coil-bound format for two reasons:

1. To see what my cover would look like.
2. To check out the quality of the spiral bound because I’m thinking of using this format for how-to books. More on that next year.

Before I converted the file to the PDF, I added two pages at the end of each chapter to give myself some space for comments/revision notes. That didn’t work out because I’d completely forgotten about the page formatting. I have blank pages at the end of some chapters and none at others. Oh, well.

The cover turned out nicely, except for the smudges. Marti Lawrence had warned me about this, so I wasn’t surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised. Lulu has implemented a new UV coating which is supposed to help make the covers last longer. The downside is that you have to wear gloves in order to handle the book.

Customers who order the book inside North America will have to deal with this problem, while International customers get their books printed from Lightning Source, which still uses the old cover process.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to obsess over this, at least right now. Hopefully, Lulu will improve this situation by the time I’m ready to publish this book next year. In the meantime, I need to worry about polishing it to the best of my ability before I start shopping around for an editor.

I have to admit that I’ve made only one attempt at writing a synopsis in my life before now. The process was intimidating because I was so new at it. Shrinking a 400+ page manuscript down into a page proved to be a daunting task that I didn’t pull off back then. Nevermind a paragraph or sentence. Last night I decided to give it another try, using the article below as a starting point.

Writing a Synopsis from the Ground Up

This proved to be a very useful tool to practice with. The author shows you how to write a synopsis that consists of a single sentence, a paragraph, and a single page. I haven’t tried the last one yet, but I got the first two down.

Prosperity Summed Up in a Sentence

Amanda Thorne becomes the target of two malevolent ghosts, both of whom mistake her for a woman who was murdered 79 years ago.

Prosperity Summed Up in a Paragraph

Amanda Thorne is an embattled clairvoyant, who refuses to believe in God or the afterlife, even when the ghost of her murdered husband confronts her from his grave. More ghosts confront her when she finds herself stranded in a tiny town in Arizona. Two of them mistake her for a prominent woman who was murdered 79 years ago. One of them wants to avenge him for the murder, and the other wants to kill her all over again. She and her misplaced deputy friend must uncover the truth about the murder before history repeats itself.

Are you hooked, or do I need more practice?

John Evans wrote a great post about how Christmas and its religious basis has all but diminished in favor of Political Correctness, especially here in America. The article I found this morning struck a strange chord in me. I found it funny, and yet not because of everything that’s been going on in my country and in the world.

Quoted from Metro.co.uk

The unmarked van pulled up outside the fire station in Deerfield, Florida, and two mystery men jumped out. A few minutes later, as baffled firefighters looked on, they sped off again – leaving behind only a small Nativity scene.

Authorities are in the dark as to who the drive-by Nativitisers were.

This novel is by no means finished, but I’ve finally completed what I consider to be the final draft. Now all I have to do is polish the darned thing before submitting it to a professional editor. If there was anything I learned from compiling and editing the anthology is that I will never catch every mistake in this manuscript.

For now, I’m going to set this tome aside for what I call a “breather period.” Then I’ll start tackling the editing process in February.

In the meantime, I need to write up a synopsis (ick!) and a marketing plan. I’ve decided to self-publish Prosperity simply because there isn’t a huge market for ghost stories. Am I being a realist or a defeatist? I’m not sure.

All I’m sure of is that my goals have changed since I first started writing this novel back in 1997. I no longer obsess over getting traditionally published or making the bestseller list. Those things don’t matter to me anymore. I just want my stories to be read and enjoyed.

I don’t know who the original writer of this piece was, but I found it on a joke site and thought I would post it with a resource link at the bottom. To my great embarrassment, everyone missed the link and thought that I wrote this. My only excuse is that I was in a hurry to post something so I could get back to my novel. And for that, Deb gets coal in her stocking this Christmas.

I think Santa Claus is a woman….

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It’s as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it’s an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.)

On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check or carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:
- Men can’t pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened…having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don’t answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.”
- Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men………
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.

As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole’s version of “The Christmas Song,” it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she’d quit dressing like a guy!!!

Source: Christmas Humor

Today is my hubby’s birthday, although he wishes it weren’t. Both of us wish we could stay 39 forever, but nature won’t allow that. We still picture our parents as being 40, even though they are well past that. I was talking to one of my colleagues yesterday, telling him that although my husband and I look older and sometimes feel older, our minds are still young. I hope we still feel this way when we turn 50.

For My Democrat Friends:

“Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.”

For My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Not only did I reach my 90K goal yesterday, but I came to the most critical part of Prosperity at around 8pm last night. I was on such a roll yesterday that I wanted to continue until I typed “The End.”

Both kids were gone, but the hubby was home and wanting my company. It’s rare that we have an evening alone together. By this point, I’d spent 12 hours at the computer and the wordflow was beginning to suffer. So I gave in.

Today, I’m not going to get much done because I have a CubScout function to go to in an hour. So that pretty much shoots down getting anything significant done today. My next goal is to push myself this week and get this manuscript finished by the weekend.

I was telling my husband last night that I want to be done with this novel. I have some other projects that are sitting in the sidelines until this one is finished. More about that later.