Deborah Woehr

Several weeks ago, I posted an email that I received from a friend, which spoke volumes about dealing with nasty people. It was called The Law of the Garbage Truck. I should have printed it out and stapled it to my forehead because once I posted the message, I went about my way and forgot about it.

These past few weeks have seen more stress and anxiety than I’ve experienced in a long time. I’ve been juggling two full-time jobs since I got hired for the company I’m now working for, although that’s about to change very soon. My new job is a lot more challenging than I had anticipated, which has me very frustrated right now. On top of that, a coworker I thought was a friend turned vicious on me the moment I sat down at my new desk.

That stung quite a bit. But this is what she does to people in order to boost her poor self-esteem, I’ve been told. So, now I’m faced with dual challenges: mastering my new job and deflecting her barbs. I plan on fleshing her personality out on a piece of paper for a future character.

I’m reminded of the speech that Ray Bradbury gave at the 1999 Writer’s Conference in Palm Springs. He said that he would write a lot when people disappointed him. I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately––seven chapters in the space of a month. Outside of the NaNoWriMo competitions, I’ve never achieved that volume. Whether or not it’s any good, I’ll know when I go over the draft. In the meantime, I worked out a storyline for my latest paranormal novel. Last weekend, I came up with a title.

Other than calling my mother and grandmother, I don’t plan on doing much else for Mother’s Day, except to enjoy the peace.

Mark Chabus

Today, I have a special guest. His name is Mark Chabus, and he was the fiancee of 9/11 victim Lynne Morris, the young woman I profiled two years ago. When Mark wrote to me last week about writing a follow-up story, I accepted his offer. I think you’ll find his story inspirational.

1. What sparked the rekindling between you and Lynne?

Funny, I was just speaking to someone about this the other day. I actually read the book Conversations with God. When I was through with it, I began to rethink a lot of things from my past. Lynne was a very special person and when I started feeling good about myself, she was the first person I thought of.

I moved up to Buffalo, NY, to take care of my two younger cousins. My aunt was in a treatment facility and I went up there to give my uncle a hand. While I was there I spent a lot of time with my cousins, who were pure positive energy. When I wasn’t with them I was at the book store devouring books. I really felt good about where I was and I felt
an urge to connect with Lynne.

I was so nervous that she might have moved on and maybe didn’t even want to speak to me. Fortunately, she was happy I called and we spent hours on the phone, just catching up. We talked every day after that and planned to meet up when I returned from Buffalo. Oh, and I also sent her a copy of the book. I was up there for about another month or so and then I returned to Long Island. That first weekend, she drove
down to see me. We connected immediately and began an incredible relationship.

2. When was the last time you spoke to her? What was the last thing she said to you?

The weekend before 9/11 we went down to Atlantic City with my parents for a little getaway weekend. It was a fun time and I loved how she interacted with my parents. Everyone got along great.

On a side note, Lynne and I had gotten into an argument before we went to sleep. She told me she was going for some type of cancer testing and I was upset that I did not know all along. Strangely enough, I woke up in the middle of the night from a strange dream that she had died. I was so upset that I immediately woke her up, apologized and slept close to her until morning. Sunday she stayed over at my parents, where I lived at the time. Monday, she went back to work. That evening she was tired and upset about a few things. Her mood was the catalyst for a brief conversation. She ranted for a little while to blow off some steam and then decided to retire early. I didn’t think much of it.

That night, I was watching Larry King Live at around 3 in the morning. His guest for that show was the psychic medium, John Edward. I remember him fielding phone calls from audience members. He briefly described to a woman that when her husband passed, she remembered a particular walk through the park. Upon this walk, she had a feather fall in front of her and it seeming danced almost to get her attention. She felt it was a sign from her deceased husband and used it as a way to tell her young daughters of his passing. I distinctly remember being surprisingly over-emotional about this. I recall
thinking, ‘If I ever lost someone I loved, I would hope they would come to me and give me a sign like that.’ Until that day I had only lost my grandfathers, neither of which were unexpected or traumatic.

The next morning I woke up to my mom screeching in my bedroom. “Lynne’s building, Lynne’s building,” she screamed repeatedly.

I thought she was overreacting to something on the news and I was confused as to what was going on. I turned on the television and saw that something had happened to one of the twin towers. It certainly got my attention but I still wasn’t worried by any stretch of the imagination. I decided to go upstairs to the living room and I powered on the big screen. It wasn’t a minute later when the second building was hit. Now I was concerned. I tried calling her at work and at her cell but to no avail. I could not get anything on either line. I started to panic and pace back and forth. Suddenly, as I stood facing the windows in front of me, I had a strange feeling like someone was behind me.

Something was trying to get my attention. As I turned, I looked at the back patio glass door and noticed a feather dancing up against the glass. At that moment my knees became weak and I slowly walked towards the door. I opened it and the feather fell to the ground in front of me. That was when I knew it was Lynne and she was gone.

I have to admit though, I did not want to believe it and I did not give up trying to find her for the next seven or so days. I had to have hope that maybe she was still here and all of this was just my imagination. (I still have that feather in a glass bottle to this day.)There were so many signs after that that would blow your mind. She continued to send me them and still does to this day.

3. How did you cope with Lynne’s death? I’m sure there was a period of intense rage against those terrorists and everyone that allowed 9/11 to happen. What was the turning point where you decided to turn this horrible memory into something positive?

Coping with Lynne’s death was a very long process. There were many things that I did, some good and some not so good. I have to say, I never blamed anyone or felt rage against the perpetrators. It just seemed to me like misused energy. Maybe it was inner knowing or maybe it was from the books I was reading. I was angry at God for taking her and for ruining my life but not at the ones that masterminded that hideous plot.

4. How has this affected your lives and those around you?

It has affected my life in so many ways. In the beginning it caused me to reevaluate everything I knew and believed. Before Lynne’s death I had an interest in metaphysics and the afterlife but after she passed, I really investigated. Especially when she was communicating with me. She sent me signs everyday. I had a white dove that hung around my truck, I had a butterfly that followed me for close to a year, and every time I crossed paths with a medium, they always had a message from Lynne.

It has affected the people in my life because I have a tendency to share everything with them. So everyone watched me fall apart and then put myself back together. Now, I think they know it’s possible. Knowing I can get through the worst has given me the freedom to eliminate worry and enjoy more of my days. I definitely do what makes me happy and make the most or every day. I don’t know how long we are going to be here so I spend my time mostly doing the things that I enjoy.

I don’t waste time anymore and I don’t wait for life to get better, I just make it better. I am a speaker and a writer and I love to think people find healing in what I have to say. I am passionate about it because I have dealt with the pain and I know there is relief. I value my experience because when I share my story with others, they can connect to it and people understand where I am coming from.

5. What can you offer to those who have gone through your experience?

I can offer those who are going through what I experienced that they should feel and express all their emotions. I bottled up my emotions for so long and didn’t want to face it. When you do that, you get ill. I suffered from health problems for years and it was all
because of ignoring how I was feeling. If you are sad … cry, if you are mad … scream, and if you are upset, remember that it too will pass.

I met with a woman last week who was dealing with grief, she explained to me that everyone thought that she was dealing with it wrong. I assured her that anyone who has gone through it personally would never tell her that the way she is doing it wrong. There is no wrong way, there’s only YOUR way. What works for one may not work for another. Its all about feeling and experiencing.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, Mark!

About Mark Chabus

Mark is the founder of Heavenly Chef, Inc., a company that teaches people how to cook in the privacy of their own home. He has set up a new blog to help people realize their passions in life, which you can visit at Follow Your Passion.