Deborah Woehr

This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school.

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children’s failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

“Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6!
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher,for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you can read this - thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English - thank a veteran!

Note from Deb: Some parents actually got offended by this joke.

I’m amazed if I can keep a regular houseplant alive for longer than two weeks. My mother-in-law dubbed me a black thumb when I managed to kill a cactus (ten years ago) by overwatering it. She would be thrilled to know that I’ve been watering her overgrown garden for the past few weeks while she’s been on vacation. This will be our little secret, okay? Yes, the plants are still alive, but only because we’ve had cool weather.

Although I’ve gotten better with not killing houseplants outright, I haven’t mastered the watering technique (too much or too little). This is why I prefer cactus because they are such a low-maintenance plant. The one on the right is a Moon Cactus. I picked up two of these yesterday on our family outing. One looks like the picture, and the other is yellow with fingers instead of bulbs.

I also picked up one of these. They’re called String of Pearls. I would have never considered them a part of the cactus family, but apparently they are. They’re supposed to bloom into fragrant white flowers. When they will do this, I don’t know. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep this plant alive long enough to find out.

My father-in-law told me this joke years ago, which I had forgotten until a friend emailed it to me just now. It is so true to life that I couldn’t help laughing then or now. If you’re easily offended, don’t click on the link.

Continue Reading »

We’ve had record rainfall this year, which has brought snow to the low-lying foothills early last month. It’s rained so much that I’m beginning to think that sunny California is going to turn into dreary Seattle. I’m so ready for my vacation.

This day has a big significance in our family. My father-in-law opened his business on April Fool’s Day of 1976. And, I met my husband on this day in 1988. If one of our kids had been an April Fool birthday, we’d really have something going.

Okay, back to my editing I go. Have a great weekend, everyone!

I found this fun quiz on Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted to write. As I’ve been writing the latest draft of Prosperity, I’ve noticed that my strong suit is dialogue and action, where my description and narrative could use some serious work. What are your writing strengths?

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don’t just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blond lady walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” said Bubba, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement & announced, “Eighteen feet, six inches,” and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. “Ain’t that just like a dumb blond? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length.

Bubba and Junior are currently doing government work supervising the reconstruction of those New Orleans Levees.

Here’s a town.

This has become my biggest pet peeve where driving is concerned. What is so important that you can’t wait until you get to where you’re going to use the damned phone? The worst experience I had occurred when I was driving on the freeway one morning. I got stuck behind this older gentleman in a gold Mercedes, doing 30mph while everyone else was doing 80+. I could see him clearly, gabbing away on his phone, not a care in the world.

Ten minutes later, I was finally able to get around him. In my years of commuting to and from work, I’ve come to understand why road rage occurs.

This photo hit home with me because there have been so many times where I’ve almost been broadsided in parking lots. The picture gives a whole new meaning to Drive Thru, eh?